We adults often say that we wish we could be kids again.
I imagine we’re mainly thinking of the supposed freedoms of childhood when we say this—that childhood is all about playing, free of worry, free of responsibilities, free of life’s sudden turns for the worse.
But as any kid can tell you, childhood’s no cakewalk. Sure, there’s plenty of fun—as long as you need know how to steer clear of the dog poo in your path. But what do you do when you step in to it?
That’s where our latest WORST-CASE SCENARIO SURVIVAL HANDBOOK: JUNIOR EDITION comes in. In it, my co-author, Robin Epstein, and I used the patented (well, trademarked, anyway) Worst-Case formula of step-by-step instructions and illustrations that provide how-to survival techniques for Home, School, Outdoors, and anywhere else kids might encounter a stealth wedgie attack, an annoying sibling, an errant pile of poo, or another of childhood’s many dangers.
So what do you do if you step in a pile of poo and don’t have access to a high-pressure hose?
1. Do the “scrape, scrape, twist” move. Scrape it from heel to toe on the nearest curb—then repeat. A shallow puddle may provide an extra rinse. Then wipe it on a clean patch of sidewalk or better yet, grass.
2. Dig it, baby. Use the sharp end of a stick or a blunt pencil to dig through the grooves in your sole. Wipe it on the ground or on a piece of paper after every shovel. Oh, and hold your nose. Yeccch.
3. Take the shoe off and hop home. Let the poo dry, then scrape it off with a stick or an old butter knife.
It’s a dangerous world out there—be careful, kids.
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