Entertainment, Guest Authors

All My Friends Are Dead Holiday Gift Tags!

Gentle Readers,

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Kindness is in the air, along with love, generosity, and a smidge of pollen. People are smiling a bit more, while babies are crying a little bit less, at least the babies that we hang out with. And, if we’ve predicted the weather correctly, snow is currently falling all over the San Francisco Bay Area, covering both the Pointy Building and Golden Gate Bridge in two feet of pristine powder, the first time in dozens of years, if not millions. Truly a magical, historical, pointy sight, we’re sure.

For us, it’s also a lovely time of year because (from what we’ve heard) many of you have given each other All My Friends Are Dead as gifts, whether as a heartfelt here’s-something-you’ll-laugh-at offering, or a passive aggressive you’re-absolutely-going-to-die-someday-no-matter-how-many-wheat-grass-drinks-and-elliptical-machines-you-ingest type of veiled threat.

And however you use our perfect-for-the-stocking (and perfect-for-the-menorah) shaped book, whether as loving gesture or angry promise, we’re just glad that you’ve continued thinking about our circa-2010 creation, long after we, personally, have moved to an island paradise in the South Pacific, never to deal with the struggles of waiting in line — or trying to take a left off Market St., in San Francisco, which is just an unbelievable hassle, who designed these streets? — ever again.

Island-retirement is wonderful. But we’ve digressed. We’re writing this, our second blog post for this website, because we wanted to give something back. You, Attractive Reader, have been so kind to us, what with your purchases (and your impending purchases) of our little, yellow book. So we, in turn, made you some gift tags, featuring some of our most popular characters — Mr. Death, Senior Dinosaur, and Monsieur Yeti, among others — and they’re all saying things related to a.) mortality b.) gifts and c.) gift tags. The usual.

We’re no Martha Stewart(s), but your finished product should look
something like … this!

Follow these instructions very carefully or you might lose a holiday-finger. Here’s what you do with our tags (click on the image below to download the PDF):

1. Read them.

2. Print them.

3. Cut them.

4. Attach them.

5. Sit back and watch your friend/loved one’s reaction.

5a. We apologize if it’s not the reaction you were hoping for.

5b. We were making these on a deadline.

5c. And, after all, they’re free with the price of printer paper and a computer. And who are you to get all high-and-mighty, after all? Jeesh. We’re just trying to do something nice and you’re going to give us grief? What’s with all the grief, lately? Double jeesh.

6. Enjoy!

And don’t forget to pick up a copy or three of All My Friends Are Dead!
We thank you.

Your best pals,
Avery Monsen and Jory John

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