Entertainment, Guest Authors

How to Awesome-up Your Fourth

With the Fourth of July upon us, we asked Ben Applebaum and Dan DiSorbo—authors of The Book of Beer Awesomeness and The Book of Beer Pong—to share their tips for an awesome Fourth. Read on for their guide to the holiday, and head over to Facebook for a chance to win one of five signed copies of The Book of Beer Awesomeness and a patriotic knit koozie from Freaker USA.

You have to love the Fourth of July. Freedom, the threat of firework injuries, and charred processed meat. There’s nothing more American. Right? Wrong.

Many Independence Day celebrations are missing a quintessential American ingredient: Awesomeness. And nothing brings a healthy does of vitamin Awesome like having fun with your beer.

So here are 5 tips we’d like to share to help everyone party like a Champion.

Tip 1. CHILL IT QUICK
Beer, like revenge on an archenemy, is best served cold: usually between 35 and 45 degrees Fahrenheit (colder for lighter beers, warmer for darker). But in an average fridge that can take over 90 soul-crushing minutes.

So break out a more awesome solution: a fire extinguisher. Use a carbon dioxide canister (red with a black band) and blast your sixer of cans for thirty seconds. The brews are instantly chilled and ready to put out that thirst fire in your belly.

Tip 2. MIX IT UP
Yes, beer is great. It’s the world’s oldest and most popular alcoholic beverage. (Take that, wine.) This magical fermented liquid bread has been shown in moderation to improve bone density, decrease risk of heart disease, and increase bowling skills.

Why mess with it? Because it’s the American way.

So break out a mixed beer cocktail this Fourth, like the Michelada. Sure this brew-based spin on the Bloody Mary was invented in Mexico, but it is taking the States by storm. Plus, it uses one of America’s great awesome inventions: Clamato.

Tip 3. TAKE IT ALL IN
Sipping a beer can be an exercise in mindfulness—being fully present and in the moment. That’s great and all, but Americans move faster and need to hurry up this enjoyment thing. And nothing facilitates the can-to-stomach transfer of contents like a shotgun.

Step 1 – Poke
Hold the can horizontally and puncture the back with a key or can opener—pushing the edge inward, for safety and class.

Step 2 – Lock
Close your lips around the hole, making it as airtight as possible.

Step 3 – Pop
Tilt the can back into a vertical position and pop the top. The air will rush in, forcing the beer out through the hole and directly into your beer hole.

Tip 4. PLAY WITH IT
Before you dismiss drinking games as juvenile, just consider that, well, they are. But juvenile does not preclude significant. Take Beer Pong. It was created in the early 1950s in Dartmouth College—the very same party scene that inspired the movie Animal House. So if you question playing along, just think what one John “Bluto” Blutarsky would say: “Let’s do it!”

Tip 5. CLEAN IT UP
Just because the keg is tapped doesn’t mean the fun is over. The keg toss keeps the party going and the awesomeness flowing. There are many places it could land but there are only two sanctioned ways to launch it into the air.

For Height
To emulate your favorite strongman competition, employ the pendulum method. Use a fluid (pun intended) swinging motion with the keg between your legs to generate some momentum.

For Distance
This is an ode to Thor. Like throwing a mighty hammer, discus, or little person, the key is centrifugal force.

So there you go. Five tips to make your Fourth more awesome with a liberal application of beers and ingenuity.

Now join us in raising a beer to the sweet taste of freedom—and cold liquid bread.

Cheers!

Subscribe to our monthly Pop Culture Newsletter.

Recommended

1 Comment

  • @stevenstark3 June 28, 2012 at 11:25 am

    I was just sitting here lamenting my lack of July 4th awesomeness and your video appeared like a beery-eyed social media message meant for me. I shall BBQ, I shall firework and I shall be awesome! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    Reply

Leave a Comment