Today is Cyber Monday, red letter day number two in the seasonal frenzy of discounts, mall stampedes and cheap tweets. For those of use that avoided the pandemonium of Black Friday, today we can all just point and click away in the privacy of our homes. But the biggest deal doesn’t always make for the best present. So we offer the Worst-Case tips for “How to Deal with a Bad Gift.” Because socks are still socks, even at 80% off.
“How to Deal with a Bad Gift” [via The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Holidays]
- Do not lie - If you receive a gift you simply detest, do not complicate the situation by lying. Do not praise the gift and say that you’ve always wanted one: The giver may later wonder why you are not using the gift or why it is not displayed in your home—or you may get something similar next year. If you receive an awful sweater, say something neutral like, “I love sweaters.” If the giver is still not convinced that you like the present, try it on; you may also be able to offer another partially true compliment: “What a perfect fit!” If you receive as a gift something you already own, you do not need to advise the giver. Say,“I love this [thing]. How did you know?”
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Tags: cyber monday, Holidays, The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Holidays
The infamous Black Friday is almost here. If you’re one of the brave souls ready to storm the battlefield at your local mall, make sure you show up prepared. If you find yourself caught in the middle of a yuletide stampede, a la Jingle All the Way (check out the 42 second mark for classic Arnold vs. Sinbad action), make sure you follow these important steps to emerge victorious. Good luck.
“How to Penetrate a Crowd to Get the Last Item on a Shelf” [via The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Holidays]
- Move slowly and decisively toward the front without appearing too aggressive - Shoving or cutting people off will provoke flying elbows and closed ranks.
- Keep your eyes on the other shoppers, so you can anticipate their movements.
- Maintain a calm demeanor as you close in on the target item - Breathe evenly and slowly. Avoid signaling your urgency, which might alert the crowd to the desirability of the toy or other target. Avoid stepping on toes or panicking other shoppers, which may cause a stampede.
- Smile.
- Grab the item - Tuck it under your arm as you would a football to prevent it from being knocked or torn loose.
- Proceed to the nearest cash register - Continue to move with the crowd until you are able to slip down an aisle unnoticed.
Happy Thankgiving,
Jeff
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Tags: Black Friday, The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Holidays
Thanksgiving is two days away, which marks - at least where I come from - the beginning of the Holiday Eating Season. So while we all press pause on the Weight Watchers plans (awaiting a New Year’s Day restart), check out these tips for “How to Put Out a Grease Fire.” A cholesterol bump isn’t the only danger lurking in the kitchen:
“How to Put Out a Grease Fire” [via The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Holidays]
- Do not douse with water - Oil and water do not mix: Water will cause the burning oil to spatter and spread the fire. Do not move the burning pan to the sink.
- Turn off the stove.
- Put on an oven mitt - Large mitts are the safest option. If barbecue mitts—those that cover the forearm—are available, use for added protection.
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Tags: Thanksgiving, The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Holidays
It’s Friday, everyone’s favorite day of the week for slacking off. So whether you’re whiling the day away on Facebook, engaged in a heated email debate about last night’s episode of Survivor, Tweeting your brains out until quittin’ time, or just taking a well-earned afternoon siesta, we’re here to help minimize the damage from an impromptu pop-in by the boss man:
“How to Survive If You Are Caught Slacking” [via The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Work]
Surfing the Web
- Blame your search engine - Explain that your search engine mistakenly has provided you with an address to an inappropriate site. Alternatively, claim you made a typing error in the Web address.
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Tags: Facebook, Survivor, The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Work
Here at Worst-Case we’ve frequently delved into the dangers, frustrations and mishaps that go along with traveling, but the good ole’ fashioned airport cancellation has to be one of the most rage-inducing. Since the effects of today’s FAA snafu appears to have rippled out nationwide, these tips for “How to Deal with a Canceled Flight” seemed apropos. To those of you on your Blackberries waiting standby, enjoy:
“How to Deal with a Canceled Flight” [via The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Travel]
- Do not stand in line - When a flight is canceled, for any reason, hundreds of people line up at the ticket counter for rebooking. Ignore them and find a telephone.
- Call the airline - Ask the airline (or your travel agent) for a seat on the next flight going to your destination. You will get into the airline’s computer system quickly, without having to stand in line. Your airline may be able to transfer your ticket to another flight on that airline, in which case you can proceed directly to the gate.
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Tags: FAA, flight cancelations, THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO SURVIVAL HANDBOOK: TRAVEL
Sarah Palin’s memoir, Going Rogue, just hit bookshelves this morning. As one of the most polarizing political figures in history, its certainly drawing a wee bit more commentary than your typical politician prose - say, Jimmy Carter’s If I Had a Hammer. Here’s just a few quotes we’ve seen thus far:
“A fascinating read” - Oprah Winfrey
“All fiction” - McCain staffers
“One of the most substantive policy books I’ve read in a long time” - Rush Limbaugh
“A profile in cowardice” - Greg Mitchell
Basically, if you like Sarah Palin, you’ll probably like Going Rogue. If you don’t, well, Stephen King’s new Under the Dome is pretty good. (Though at over 1000 pages, you’d better block off your calendar.) Political persuasion aside, there’s no denying that Palin has put herself right back on the media radar. For better or worse people are talking about Palin again, and whether she’s angling for a Presidential run, or a talk show on Oxygen, the buzz has to help her chances. If you too are a former politico looking for another shot at the limelight, check out the Worst-Case tips for “How to Write a Best-Selling Memoir.” Can you follow in Palin’s footsteps? You betcha’.
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Thanksgiving is a little over a week away, and though impending visits from relatives, renewed family feuds and 10 pounds of extra seasonal poundage might already be giving you a migraine - Hey, at least the food should be good…right? Well to those of you that foresee your own Griswald-eque dinner scene, at least follow our tips and don’t burn that house down. Leave that to Uncle Lewis.
“How To Extinguish a Burning Turkey” [via The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Holidays]
- Close the oven and broiler doors - Turn the oven off.
- Open nearby windows - Smoke will pour out of the oven vent. Turn the vent-fan in the hood above the stove to its highest setting and open windows to help clear smoke. If possible, close the doors to the kitchen to contain the smoke. If you cannot close off the kitchen, open as many other windows in the building as possible to establish cross-ventilation.
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Tags: Griswald, Holidays, The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Holidays, Turkey
Remember the scene in Wedding Crashers where Rachel McAdams’ character goes into hysterics right on the altar at her sister’s ceremony? What was hilarious in a movie (”My best friend…and my captain!”), could be disastrous in real life. After attending three weddings in the last two months, I may have wedding burnout but I still understand the need for perfection at one’s own very special day. Check out these tips for maintaining composure, and make sure you don’t blow it.
“How to Maintain Composure During the Ceremony” [via The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Weddings]
Crying Jag
- Take deep measured breaths - Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Deep breathing will calm you and prevent hyperventilation brought on by crying.
- Stare at inanimate objects - Focus on floral arrangements, your clothing, or the floor.
- Recall trivial details - Try to remember the color of your childhood blanket, or the make and model of all the cars you have owned. Attempt to say the alphabet or the months of the year backward.
- Stand up straight - Crying will cause you to bend forward and make your head and shoulders shake. Concentrate on good posture: Keep your back straight and your head held high to combat the physical effects of your emotions.
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Tags: 12. The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Weddings, wedding crashers
The elevator version of “Sleigh Ride” is pumping through mall radios and floor space has been cleared for Santa. It might only be November 9th (and 68 degrees in New York City), but somehow the Holiday season is here. For our early birds already on the prowl for this season’s deals, be sure to review these shopping-mall safety tips:
“Shopping-Mall Safety Tips” [via The Worst-Case Scenario Almanac: Great Outdoors]
- Never walk unaccompanied through the parking lot - If you are shopping alone, wait for other shoppers to come into view and walk near them. If you are leaving the mall after dark , request an escort from a mall security guard, especially if you are carrying several packages.
- Avoid automatic revolving doors - Thieves can prey on you as you enter the door, using the time it takes for you to complete the circle to make their getaway.
- Consolidate your purchases - Combining your acquisitions into one or two large bags will help you keep better track of your possessions.
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Tags: Holidays, safety, shopping-mall, The Worst-Case Scenario Almanac: Great Outdoors
We’ve made it to another Friday kids! But before you head off to happy hour, give our latest Week in Worst roundup a look. Better safe than sorry…
Unemployment hit 10.2% this week - the highest since 1983. Of course all signs are pointing to recovery in ‘09 and we’ll do our best to pass on some advice in the meantime, but it still looks like that life-sized Lego Person is just gonna have to wait until next Christmas.
In better news for New Yorkers, the Yankees celebrated their 27th World Championship with a star-studded parade extravaganza in Manhattan. An appearance by Jay-Z only added to the mania - hopefully a few of them read our tips for “Surviving a Retail Riot” earlier this year and kept out of trouble.
The latest changing of the political guard had some bigwigs headed for the door - But here’s a surprise - with nary a sex scandal in sight. Progress!
If any of you watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta (it’s OK, we’re all friends here) then you no doubt caught Kim Zolciak’s, ahem, “performance” of her “hit” song “Tardy for the Party.” Sure, a total lack of singing ability never stopped most of today’s pop stars, but girl needs to at least learn some dance moves. Even the Funky Chicken might be enough to…OK probably not.
To close on a brighter note: Halloween 2009 showed little economic strain, full of Balloon Boys, Bernie Madoffs and apparently, even more candy. So while you (I) dig into those left-over Chunkies, remember that not even a crippling recession can stop America’s insatiable sweet tooth. Fatso.
Be safe,
Jeff
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Author Dave Borgenicht and the Worst-Case team are here to help prepare you, and you, and you(!) out there in webland for anything. Need to land a plane? Fending off a shark attack? Graduating and facing “what next?!”? We’re here, for you.
